12:01
by Evie1989
Summary: It's Sam and Tom's anniversary but for many reasons this year is different and will it be their last? Warning this is quite a sad fic.


**So this is just a one shot I decided to write. I'm in quite a sad mood today and I suppose it comes out in my writing. So here's a warning, it is quite sad, sorry about that. I'd really like to hear your comments though it you have the time :)**

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"You…forgot the cat…food" Tom chuckled softly to himself as he heard Sam mumbling in her sleep.

The first time she'd ever done it, he'd been completely freaked out. But in the 6 years they'd been together he'd gotten used to it, sometimes even managing to have whole conversations with her while she was fast asleep.

Not wanting to disturb her just yet, he quietly nudged the door open, placing the tray he was carrying on the table by the hospital bed Sam had needed to use for the past 2 months. He opened the CD box and slipped it into the player, adjusting the volume so it wasn't too loud. The melody of 'Better Together' by Jack Johnson softly played out.

He smiled at the memory; Sam and him at their wedding reception, 4 years ago. Their bodies pressed together tightly, dancing like no one was watching, them against the world. They'd argued over the song for the first dance, Tom had been adamant that you couldn't slow dance to the song Sam had chosen. It had turned out that when you were looking into the eyes of the woman you loved you could slow dance to anything.

Then he paused for a second, just listening to the lyrics, remembering Sam in the stunning cream lace dress that, she'd assured him, had taken 8 whole months to pick and he felt a pang of pain in his heart. His eyes shifted back over to his sleeping wife. Her blonde hair accentuated how pale her skin had become, though she was still gorgeous to him and the slight frown on her face told him that even when was asleep she still wasn't free from the pain. The ragged rise and fall of her chest with every breath a painful reminder of the short time they had left.

"Sam," he called softly, walking over to be by her side. He leaned over, caressing her cheek gently, "Hey,"

Her eyelids flickered and she smiled a weak smile, she took a deep breath before she spoke, "Hey yourself."

A look of realization crossed her face as she heard the song that was playing.

"Tom, have...I been," she paused to take a breath, "asleep...that long?"

Sam had long refused to have clocks in the room, she had told him they made her feel uneasy. So she often wasn't sure of the time whenever she woke up.

"No, it's a little after 8," he told her, and when he noted the confused look on her face he added, "I thought we could celebrate a little early."

"Tom," she started, before she started to cough. Tom helped her to sit up and she fought to catch her breath. It eased slightly as he turned up the flow of oxygen, and then he helped her ease back down into the pillows. She tried hard to keep her eyes open as the coughing fit had obviously drained her of the little energy she had.

She caught her breath before beginning again, "You're scared," she said, wheezing slightly, "that I won't…make it…to tomorrow."

Tom felt his heart break at what he was hearing. The doctor had warned them both that it was now a matter of days not weeks and he was trying to keep everything normal for Sam's sake, but she had gone downhill at a frightening pace in the past few hours.

She looked him straight in the eye, her blue eyes shining with tears, and he couldn't lie to her. He nodded solemnly, feeling tears prick his own eyes.

"In September, they told…me I wouldn't…see Christmas," she told him, her voice quiet but defiant, "It's February now, and…I'm not missing…our anniversary, believe me...Tom."

She continued to amaze him every day with the fight she still had, the utter defiance that she showed the godforsaken cancer that had ripped their lives apart. The way she took everything in her stride and refused to let it get in the way inspired him to keep being as strong as he could for her.

"I know you won't," he told her, stroking her hair, although he wasn't sure if he could really believe it. She smiled up at him anyway, pleased with his answer.

"I made a chocolate cheesecake," he said, indicating the tray, and then standing up so he could retrieve it. He balanced it on Sam's lap while he lowered the side of the bed. He settled himself gently on the edge of the bed.

"Would I…expect anything…less?" Sam gave a weak laugh as she teased him.

Tom chuckled along with her, and then picked up the spoon and fed her a small piece, she smiled appreciatively.

"I remember…on our honeymoon," Sam started after she had finished the mouthful, with one of the biggest smiles he had seen on her in a long time.

"That cheesecake got really messy," he smiled himself at the memory.

"Do you...remember the maids...face?" Sam asked, grinning as he nodded his head in agreement and chuckled.

"We're lucky they didn't charge us extra." he quipped, placing a soft kiss on the side of her head.

"Tom…I…just…I got you…" she indicated a envelope on the other table. "Just…a card."

He picked up the small red envelope and opened it, pulling it out to reveal a Valentine's Day card, on the front of which there was also '& Happy Anniversary' written in Sam's unmistakable handwriting.

"Always economical huh? Two special days in one, I knew there was a reason we got married on Valentine's Day," he joked gently. He then opened the card which had just a generic greeting inside. But underneath that was what brought a lump to his throat.

_Tom,_

_This past 6 years I've been with you, and the past 4 we've been married- I have cherished every single day._

_Thank you for your patience, your kindness and your unwavering support. Mostly thank you for loving me, flaws, baggage_

_and all._

_I know recently that it's been hard, but I could never have made it this far without you. Thank you for being my rock and_

_my strength._

_But there's one thing I haven't really told you yet, but I want you to know._

_No matter what happens today, tomorrow or next week,_

_I'll love you forever and please remember me, but remember to let me go._

_All my love,_

_Sam xxx_

He looked up with tears in his eyes, and took her hands in his.

"Sam, listen to me," he shook his head, unable to believe what he had just read.

"No…Tom, you…listen," she took another breath, the pain evident as she grimaced, "I want...you to be…happy. You deserve...promise…me," her pleading eyes broke his heart, "Please."

"Sam I," he started, but couldn't say no to her, he couldn't bear to "I, I promise," he said, even though he was sure he could never be happy without her.

Sam dropped her eyes from his gaze, back to the cheesecake on the tray.

"Tom, I'm…sorry I can't…I," Sam apologised. She hadn't been able to eat properly for days now and it wasn't a surprise to Tom.

"It's okay," Tom soothed as he moved the tray. Sam jerked forward as she started coughing again. She leant forward and laid her head on his shoulder as she continued to cough, as he rubbed her back in an attempt to soothe her. He eased her back down again.

"Take…me…upstairs," she asked, a painful wheeze between each word.

"You wanna go upstairs?"

She nodded slightly, sighing with the effort, "Please."

"Okay, I'll be right back," he told her, easing off the bed and picking up the spare oxygen bottle to take it upstairs.

"Tom…I don't…need it," she protested weakly.

"But," he began, before seeing the look on her face.

"I want..it to be...normal," Sam explained and Tom instantly understood what she meant. She hadn't slept in their bed for 2 months because of her need for the machines and oxygen.

"Okay, come here," he put down the oxygen and walked over to her, arms outstretched to lift her. She felt limp and light in his arms as he easily lifted her off the bed.

"Alright?" he asked, and she mumbled a reply, which he took as a yes.

He effortlessly took her up the stairs and opened the door to their bedroom, before settling Sam on the bed and pulling the covers over her. He kissed the top of her head.

"Sam are you comfortable?" he asked, worried that the move upstairs had caused her more pain.

"Mmm, m'okay," she replied, her eyes heavy with fatigue.

Tom climbed in next to her, turning himself so that he was facing her, and she shifted slightly to snuggle into him. Tom relished in the feel of having Sam so close to him, with no wires or beeping. It was just the two of them and for a second Tom closed his eyes and allowed himself to believe he was in the past. Sam eyes closed and soon enough all he could hear was the jagged rhythm of her breathing. The toll of the past few days took its effect on him and he slowly drifted into a light sleep himself.

He wasn't sure of how long he had been asleep but a soft tugging on his shirt woke him. He opened his eyes and could see Sam was trying to tell him something.

"Tom," she said in a hoarse whisper, "hold me?" she asked in a voice so quiet that Tom wasn't sure if she'd spoken at all.

He moved her as gently as he could so that she was resting against him with her head on his shoulder and for every two beats of his heart he could feel Sam's beating once, slow and soft.

"I'm…tired," she complained softly, wheezing with the effort.

"Just rest okay," Tom soothed, rubbing his hand on the small of her back, pulling her closer to him.

"No…I'm-I'm tired," she took a breath before continuing, "I'm…tired…of…" she stopped, not able to continue her sentence.

"It's okay, I know, I know," he comforted, placing a kiss on the top of her head, the lump that had formed in his throat became painful and suffocating as he held back his tears.

"But…I'm…scared…Tom…" she admitted, taking a painful breath between each word, "I'm… so scared."

Tom could feel dampness on his shirt that was the only evidence of Sam's silent tears as her words cut through him like a knife. Throughout the whole illness she had always been so strong, the defiance and strength pushing past the fear in her eyes, and all the while having the courage to get up and face every day. To see her completely broken like this tore Tom apart, and tugged at the emotional barrier, the wall he had built up whilst trying to be strong for her.

"It's alright, I'm here, it's okay," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

He wrapped his arms around her and finally let out a small sob. The hot salty tears running freely down his cheeks.

"I love," Sam gasped, pausing for breath, "you…Tom," she wheezed, sniffling as tears continued to flow.

"I love you too Sam," he laced his fingers into hers, "rest now."

He felt a slight nod against his chest and the wheezing and gasping breaths she was taking soon settled into a pattern. Tom took a deep breath and wiped his cheeks with his free hand before wrapping it back around his sleeping wife.

"You know," he started, "from the very first time I saw you, I was intrigued," he chuckled.

"I thought you were too good for me, you are too good for me," he brought his head down, inhaling the scent of her hair.

"But you gave me a chance, and because of that chance I've had 6 amazing years with you, you're the kind of amazing I never thought I'd have, the family I thought I'd never have, I found with you," his voice broke as he fought another wave of tears,

"You're everything to me Sam, you've made me a better person and I don't know how I'm going to survive without you. You're the strong one remember, you've always been the strong one," he took a shaky breath in, the tears coming harder and faster than they ever had, "but I've got to be strong now. Oh Sam," he sighed.

It slowly occurred to him that Sam had not woken up during the whole time he had been talking to her and for someone who had been an incredibly light sleeper the past couple of months the realization hit him like a brick in the face. He held her even tighter and whispered in her ear,

"It's okay Sam, you don't have to be in pain anymore, it's okay to let go now. I love you. I love you," he told her, before closing his eyes and listening to the slowing pace of her breathing.

Not more than 5 minutes had passed when he felt and heard Sam take a sharp breath, which she exhaled almost silently. His eyes snapped open, and he laid still waiting for her to breathe again.

She didn't.

With a heavy sob he lifted her up higher and held her tighter, and through his tears he saw the soft green glow of the clock across the room. He smiled through his grief as he realized that she had proved herself right. That was his Sam, a fighter to the very end.

The glowing digits read 12:01 am.

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**Thank you for taking the time to read :) Evie xx**


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